My wife is a Census Enumerator
It’s good to know that the Federal Government has its priorities in order.
My wife accuses me of being a Libertarian. If you don’t know, the Libertarian Party is more culturally liberal than Democrats and more fiscally conservative than Republicans. I was a Libertarian back in the 1970s before that party became the last resort for failed Republican candidates. When it comes to politics, people usually have short memories. So, most people only think of the modern Libertarian party. In my humble opinion, that party is a hodge-podge of wacky political wannabes, some of whom you wouldn’t let past your front door even if they offered you a year’s supply of free, fresh-squeezed Florida orange juice. It hasn’t always been that way. This topic will come up later.
Let’s get Back to my Wife
Several months ago, she applied for a census taker job. Recently, they hired her. She immediately corrected me. She is NOT a census taker; no, she is a Census Enumerator! Using big words allows the Federal Government to pay less; being a dad, five times over, compelled me to ask, “So who are the denominators?” I spent that night on the couch. (Yes, I know it’s a numerator, not enumerator.)
Still, I have an enquiring mind, and I need symmetry in my life. Who are the denominators? Denominator means the number below the line in a common fraction, a divisor. I guess that all politicians are denominators, but that’s just the libertarian coming out in me; small “l” not large “L.” I could go into how enumeration is an essential construct in software programming languages, but you wouldn’t read the rest of this article.
She’s an Enumerator
So, my wife is an Enumerator. She is an official Federal Government employee, albeit for a brief time. She’s had her training, she’s received her formal Census Bureau handbag, and official Census Bureau iPhone, all black, like the Cadillac Escalades the FBI drives. And the official Census Bureau iPhone has the official Census Bureau Enumerator (i.e., information taker) app installed, complete with a Federal Government seal; it’s quite impressive. Oh, and she has a Federal Government badge that gives her access to…well, actually, nothing. But all this stuff is remarkable. She’s been to onsite training and participated in remote conference calls. My wife was so excited that she emailed our kids:
Just call me James Bond.
I have NO idea how long this will last but I am an enumerator for the Census…
There’s more in her email, but if I told you, then I’d have to, well, you know. I did point out to her that James Bond is British, and we’re American. She pointed out to me that I’m Libertarian so, touché. But I’m not Libertarian! I just kind of agree with a few of their planks. Mind you, not enough to build a platform, but enough, perhaps, to make an access ramp for disabled people. I am disabled, so I guess it’s politically okay for me to use that term.
Having watched every James Bond movie, even that horrible 1969 “Her Majesty’s Secret Service” — I only watched that because Diana Rigg was in it — there are similarities between 007 and a Census Enumerator.
James is always on a mission, so, too, is my wife. Mr. Bond rarely knows where he’s going, the same for my wife. James eliminates, my wife enumerates. Mr. Bond’s life is always at risk. Thanks to the world pandemic, this is also true for my wife. James Bond always drives a sexy car. Well, no, this is where my wife parts ways with Mr. Bond.
Here’s the kicker for me. Entire Federal buildings are shuttered. Every news outlet warns Americans, repeatedly, to wash our hands, wear masks, and social distance. Now, if my wife only took the census count for one family, she would be following our governor’s mandate and our Federal Government’s guidelines. HOWEVER, going to one house after another, city block after city block, stretches to the breaking point any interpretation of social distancing. This conundrum got me thinking.
My thought triggered an important question: Why is it that during the worst pandemic virus outbreak in our lifetime, the government is willing to curtail or eliminate all human interaction EXCEPT counting the people that were too busy to bother filling out the census online?
Back in 2014, electric companies were already able to accurately determine whether a residence was occupied. In 2018 a lawsuit was brought against a city in Illinois, over the “surveillance” of citizens from electric utility smart meters, so I speculate that, here in 2020, utility companies can provide the Federal Government with accurate occupancy counts for residences.
As we all know, several Federal and State agencies can use WiFi and radar to see through the walls of houses. Undoubtedly, these agencies could help with Census Enumeration while maintaining social distancing.
We are in America! Why can’t the Federal Government just call up Mark Zuckerberg and get all the information about each household in the United States, Canada, and Mexico? He probably has those numbers in his Apple Watch.
Please understand, I am happy that my wife is now an official Census Enumerator. And the people she’s working with are topflight Federal bureaucrats. She’s sitting pretty. And, it’s good to know that the Federal Government has its priorities in order. Accurately counting people in America is imperative, throwing a financial lifeline to Americans that are sinking in pandemic debt, not so much.
Image by Nikolay Frolochkin from Pixabay
